Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said her name was "party"
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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