You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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