What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would ride that face into the sunset
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
