make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
