I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
