What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
