then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
