were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
