As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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