i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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