she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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