I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
