Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
