the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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