you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
