I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
