I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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