Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
