I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
