Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
