My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need to sanitize my soul.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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