i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
