Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
