I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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