U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
