Even the bartender felt bad for me
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
