Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
