we have pet lesbian snakes
My pussy is not your playground.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
