i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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