that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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