how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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