Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
