And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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