When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
