You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
