it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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