apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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