dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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