I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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