The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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