I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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