I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
