Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
