Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
