you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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