we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
