if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
