sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
