Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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