no, he came in my armpit
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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