As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
