Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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