he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
